I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
