So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
