I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize