I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
