In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize