So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
