Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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