The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
