Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize