thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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