God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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