i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
