I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
