i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
