I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
