Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
