btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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