Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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