I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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