Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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