I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
