There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
