I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
