'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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