Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
