You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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