Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
