I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
