Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
