Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize