Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You need a sexual gate keeper
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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