i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
