I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize