The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
