why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
