She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
