I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They are going to name an STD after you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
