Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
