I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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