We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize