Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
