If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
