I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
