It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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