Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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