I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
