and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
