Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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