SEEEEXXX PLEASE
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
