Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
