She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
