You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
