...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
