She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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