He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
