I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm getting married
To pizza
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
