Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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