Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
