are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I looked at my own cervix.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
