she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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