someone owes me an orgasm
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize