I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
