these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
