I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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