smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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