epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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