So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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