woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
