The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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