I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
