I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
