he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
