Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
