Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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