so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
