dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
