well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We had to coat check the pizza.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
