And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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