Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
