I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
