Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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