I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
