Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
