Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
