I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize