So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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