Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
