I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I deserve this hangover.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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