we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
