Too much gin, very little bucket
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
