your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize