i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
