i love accidental penises.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
