Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
