I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
