last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
