you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i already hear my dad disowning me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
