its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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