somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
