boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
