Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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