we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
