I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize