I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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