so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
