Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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