My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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