I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
