Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
