Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
