Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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