Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
