and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
