P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Houston, we have a blender
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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