Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
