Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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