He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
