The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
