Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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