Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
